Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
