i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
