Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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