I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
