I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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