id be glad to
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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