No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
