I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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