i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
