Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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