after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
