She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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