How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
