I love black thongs
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize