I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
