Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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