Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
