ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
