Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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