I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
