my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
