I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
