I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
