I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
