i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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