Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My vagina just recognized that song.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
