I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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