We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am naked and annoyed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
