I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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