She's JV to your varsity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're too hungover to prance.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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