So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
