when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
