I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
