At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
