he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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