I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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