he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
