just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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