Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
