i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
