Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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