I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
