i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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