Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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