It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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