You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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