Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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