tell your sister to shave her snatch
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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