i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
