does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
