I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
